Week 1: Identity

Week 1- United States Westward Movement

Personal Identity

“…my childhood days are threaded with contradictions and events that don’t fit into a ‘standard’ account of growing up either in the ‘East’ or the ‘West’…” (Bose, 260)

It’s frustrating how I can never be fully American nor fully Filipino. To a Filipino, I am an American. To an American, I am Filipino. This quote really speaks to me as an ethnic Filipina and an American national. The struggle of intersecting identities is the discouraging problem of many immigrants’ children.

Looking back, my life has been nineteen years of assimilation into a predominantly white and Hispanic neighborhood. I would make it a point to tell people that I was born in New Jersey, because how much more American can I get, right? I’ve had people tell me, “You don’t really act Asian”. And I would be so proud. I was so happy because I saw those microagressions as verbal acknowledgement of my acceptance into a world that didn’t look like me. That I was “cool” or “good” enough to be part of them.

Andresen’s article is eye-opening, it articulates why I have felt the way I did. I’ve never questioned it. I just thought it a fact that I was below the white man. I never knew any other way. I blindly accepted and internalized that information. That is why it is important to look at knowledge construction. In his article, Andresen discusses how Filipinos are severely underrepresented in American history books. (Andresen 71) I never questioned why I didn’t see Filipinos in history books. I just thought it was because we weren’t worthy or deserving of a page.

I was very interested by David and Ozaki’s Colonial Mentality Scale. (Andresen, 68) It’s amazing that someone has figured out how to quantitatively measure colonial mentality. It is an elusive value but important to quantify. Only a couple of years ago I was deeply entrenched by the last theme of colonial mentality: deficit perception of Filipino culture. This ties in with Cross’ theory of Nigrescence (Andresen, 68). Andresen describes how individuals would “denigrate their race.” Ashamedly I myself am proof of this. I used to be embarrassed to be Filipino. I believed everything about the culture was wrong and stupid. I was chauvinistically proud to be an American.

Colonialism has a positive outfit it exploits to hide its greedy intent: liberation. Under the guise of liberation and well-meaning actions, colonizers seek to assert their dominance effortlessly and without resistance. This disguise is dangerous because it is stubbornly omnipresent yet sneakily subtle. How can we rid ourselves of colonial mentality if many do not realize its existence?

Identity and Privilege

Yes, it is important to realize heritage and to find one’s roots but I think it is a privilege to be able do so. After travelling to Tagaytay and having hoards of local people chasing our car to sell their products, I wondered, how can they have the luxury to deeply think about roots when they are chronically consumed by where they are going to find their next meal? Deep reflection and thorough analysis requires time. I am lucky to have the opportunity to think critically about something so important to my well-being.

Soon, I hope to reach the last stage of Banks’ Stages of Cultural Identity and have full understanding of my culture and myself. (Andresen 77) It’s saddening that my parents are stuck with the colonial mentality to this day. Upon being released, it feels as if I’m on the outside watching them struggle through the cycle. When I discuss Filipino heritage with my father, he always degrades or demeans it. That is why I need to learn more about my culture so that I will be equipped with “the power to refute erroneous information about the Philippines.” (Andreson, 81)

Identity’s relationship with blood-line and environment

At La Union, the group stayed at the Paiko Beach Resort. There, I became closer with Tory, Cristian and Tylor. Our mutual love for heavy metal, screamo and rock music brought us together into the late hours of the night. It was magically nostalgic and I was reminiscing what it felt like to be an angsty 13 year old again. I realized that the environment one is in, nurtures and brings out different sides of him/her. Tory mentioned how he emphasizes culture and environment rather than blood line. That comment truly had an impact on me. I believe it. How a person is raised culturally can have a much deeper impact than their ethnicity. A person’s childhood and way of life captures and reflects identity more than a fraction of ethnicity ever could.

When I had an interview with Leah, our assistant director for this study abroad program, for her research study on Filipino American students, I told her that “UW is a safe place to be a Filipino American because the sheer existence of study abroad programs, research studies and cultural clubs implies that we as a people are worth learning about. It validates my significance as a Filipino American woman.” Environment shapes experience. If a side of me is not welcomed, it will not flourish. In high school, my musical identity had been nurtured but my cultural identity repressed. I’ve realized that at UW, my cultural identity is nurtured but my musical identity had been repressed. Why? Because I do not live in an environment where that side of me is readily supported. But with Tory, Cristian and Tylor, I remember what it feels like to enjoy music without being judged or criticized. It was beautiful to have my cultural and musical identities encouraged simultaneously. I felt unabashedly myself.

I felt liberated, ambitious and overjoyed that I ran out onto the beach, sang at the top of my lungs, spun around gazing at the stars until I fell, and played in the sand. It was the joy of finding someone that understands and relates. Identity, self-esteem, happiness and success are definitely intertwined. If we could successfully create a dialogue surrounding the importance of ethnic realization, and the salience of support and its effect of self-esteem, perhaps everyone could feel obnoxiously happy like I did.

Victims of the American Dream

“No matter… how closely we mimicked the postures and phrases of Americans, we would always be little brown interlopers, never anything more than second-class.” (Bose, 265)

This quote illustrates how the American dream is common for Filipinos. Filipinos see and internalize the supposedly better life of Americans. This was definitely the case for Bose, who grew up in an American military base in the Philippines. Taunted by the elusive Camp John Hay, which was intended for Americans and wealthy Filipinos, it was hard to resist wishing for entry to an exclusive lifestyle.

Similar to Bose, is Kidlak Tahimik’s old desire for non-Filipino ideals. In his movie, he portrays a man who yearns for American models and admires European designers. Not only did American dominate the cultural scene, they do so with little regard for the land or the people.

            The selfish intent of the Americans is evident through the construction of the long, expensive road to Baguio. Seasonal storms cause consistent damage to Benguet Road to this day. (Alcantara, 213) Although the American colonizers no longer reside in Baguio, their legacy is felt in the pockets of Filipino taxpayers. Remnants of colonialism and the American dream remain.

Globalization’s effect on identity

When visiting the Banaue Rice Terraces, I had the pleasure of meeting Anthony Catteg, a 24-year-old man from the Ifugao tribe. He led my group from Tappiah Falls back to the hotel we were staying at. During that hike, I asked him about his province, his dialect, food, his hobbies, popular hairstyles, marriage and divorce customs, cultural openness to sexual orientation, his dreams and his life in general.

During the conversation, I asked Anthony what brides wear during their wedding ceremonies. He said women used to wear their native costumes, but now, more women are interested in wearing white dresses. I asked, “Why?” Anthony responded, “Because they have T.V.” In other words, the isolated mountain province, mostly untouched by Spanish influence has fallen victim to the cultural hegemon, the U.S, through the spread of technology. In modern society we like to believe that days of colonization are in the past. The Spanish kingdom was not able to colonize the Ifugao as successfully as other easily accessible areas in the Philippines. (Anderson, 76) Their isolation was their protection. Nowadays, with the spread of technology, we must worry about a new form of colonization: cultural hegemony.

This cultural assimilation reminds me of the assimilation of the Igorot tribe in the north. Alcantara describes how new American colonial laws eroded Igorot society.  It changed the dynamic of traditional land usage, which “subverted traditional Igorot society.” (Alcantara, 216)

The lesser degree of isolation and the availability of technology is not necessarily negative. Globalization also has positive effects. Anthony gave and the other students and myself a piece of paper with his Facebook contact information. With Anthony’s severely limited mobility due to lack of education and resources, Facebook is a convenient method for him to see the countries he hears stories about, but will never be able to see. It’s a method to escape his isolation.

Discussion Questions: 

I never realized I was subject to psychological captivity until I read Andresen’s article, so how could I have possibly escaped it on my own? How can others escape unless they also know and understand what psychological captivity is? How can we address these problems and advocate for “transformative methods of re-education” if Filipino invisibility itself is invisible?

Closing Thoughts

I am having the time of my life right now. This study abroad program is more than I could have ever imagined. I love the country, the people the food and my life here. I can’t believe it’s only been a week; I’ve already made so many memories! I’m so thankful to be able to spend time with all the students on my program. I absolutely adore the personalities of everyone in our group; it’s fun watching everyone interact. I’m happy to spend time with them because whenever I have a conversation with someone, they allow me to be a part of their life. Having someone share their life with me is beautiful so I don’t ever want to miss opportunities on meeting people. I want them to become a part of my life too! Each individual person has unique experiences that I will never be able to live myself. So in order to learn other experiences, I must go out and meet strangers! 

Works Cited

 

Alcantra, E.R. (2002) Bagiuo between two wars: The creation and destruction of a summer capital. In Shaw, A.V. & Francia, L.H. Vestiges of war. (pp. 207-223). New York: New York Press.

Andresen, T. (2012). Knowledge construction, transformative academic knowledge, and Filipino American identity and experience, In E. Bonus, E. & D. Maramba, (Eds.) The “other“ students: Filipino Americans, education, and power. Charlotte, NC: IAP.

Bose, S. (2002). Bagiuo Graffiti. In A.V. Shaw & L.H Francia, Vestiges of war. (pp. 260-67). New York: New York Press.