Final Blog

Catalina Sa-Ngoun

August 2014

Final Blog 

Who am I? I am mother’s daughter; we are two of the same and she is the strongest woman I know. I am also my father’s daughter; the stability and comfort he provides me can never be matched. My parents’ beliefs are naturally aligned with my own. We understand the meaning of happiness without culture or money-motivated manipulation. I’ve learned at a young age that life holds value beyond materialistic rubbish. I am proud of my parents’ struggle to success and because of them my reality nearly feels like a dream and being able to travel is a part of that dream. Traveling and studying abroad allows me to explore cultures and civilizations, outside of my own, which in turn is a intellectually and personally enriching experience.

Listening, speaking, and participating in any act revolving stereotypes is inevitable. We all do it. You can’t always change them but one thing you can do is eliminate them. I know this because taking a chance and stepping out of my comfort zone is what keeps stereotypes from influencing my life, I refuse to be improperly educated. Striving for new experiences that’ll change, yet establishes truth, is how new realities are created. Studying abroad challenges and provides me with the opportunities I need to change my reality for the better. Every trip, every group, and every place is different, which is why I learned long ago that certain expectations need to be reevaluated and flexible. Since the beginning, I had no idea what to expect nor what not to expect. In a way, my flexibility has allowed more room for growth because I had already entered this trip with an open mindset. The stereotypes of traveling to a place such as the Philippines, moreover Asia in general, are renowned. People’s eyes are drawn and manipulated by advertisements that present very little truth. Because I have traveled to multiple countries prior to this trip, I knew the stereotypes were far from the realities. Though already knowing this, it remained imperative that I took this opportunity to visit the beautiful Philippines first hand and learn that the truth is always revised, sometimes making it a lie.

From the streets and markets, to Banaue and Boracay, this trip has exceeded in truly showing me different aspect of the country that are essential in revising preconceived beliefs of the Philippine’s history. In The Philippine-American War: Friendship and Forgetting written by Reynaldo C. Ileto, he states that “In popular, and to some extent, official discourse as well, The Philippine-American relationship has been a special one, expressed in kinship terms like “compadre colonialism” and “little brown brother.” “Mother America” is owed lifelong inner debt, or utang na loob, by the Filipino people she nurtured.” (Ileto, 1998, pg. 7) The concept embracing “Amigo Warfare” was created to express the lifestyle that Filipinos had to endure in order to gain pride and independence. The concept of “Mother America” being a savior is one that was implemented by the Americans to force Filipinos and Americans into believing that they were savages that needing saving. This was done through discriminating school systems to hide any truth regarding Filipinos as civilized or smart enough to live without Spaniard or American oppression. As a class, we witnessed this while taking classes at the Philippines Women’s University and talking to the students, as well as by talking with students at UST. Overall, it was evident that there is a lack of knowledge of the true Filipino-American relationship. Rather, there was little education on Filipino or American history at all. Yet somehow, America has succeeded in manipulating people into believing that the Philippines was just a “little brown brother.” In To Change the World : The use of American Indian Education in the Philippines by Anne Paulet, she says “Like the Indians, Filipinos were portrayed as a divided, tribal people who were not really civilized.” (Paulet, 2007, pg. 175) As we traveled away from the city and to areas such as Banaue, that portrayal was challenged as it was comforting to witness that some areas do remain with indigenous Filipino roots. The rice terraces date back to previous centuries, yet remain immensely beautiful. To maintain such land requires complex dexterity, skill that not just anyone can demonstrate. You can see that those living in and around the rice terraces were happy, they’ve established a lifestyle that works for them. Their lifestyle, consisting of more roots than I’ve seen elsewhere, may be different but that doesn’t rule them uncivilized. From this experience it is obvious that Filipinos, even centuries ago, were never uncivilized “little brown people” - in fact, these indigenous roots prove them to be hard working and insightful. 

Each destination has bestowed various experiences that have collectively enlightened me in the highest way imaginable- letting go of uptight expectations was a central factor in that understanding. As a class we were told to “hurry up and wait.” We experienced the trip as a group but as far as what we were “waiting” for goes, each person had their own experience and connections. Time is a subject of matter - so while one person may literally “hurry up and wait” for events to play out as we expected them to, another may allow waiting time to challenge any initial ideologies of expectations and where those ideologies have evolved from. We all come from different backgrounds that create perspectives intimate to our past, which is why seeing or hearing one’s experience doesn’t create an automatic understanding. However, working specifically with one group and having that opportunity to learn more of a person (than I would have if we weren’t in a group) helped foster a finer understanding. I was in a group with MaryJane, Kristen, Ben, and Lalaine - and together we produced footage that truly captured our experiences in a way challenged initial thoughts. From our first presentation to our final, we worked well amongst each other by listening to and expressing multiple perspectives. We grew comfortable enough to share details among one another that was always respected and never conflicted. Each of us worked to fill any gaps in our group to ensure that the overall outcome of our work was our best. We also divided up any work to embrace each person’s skill. For example - Lalaine, Kristen and I, conducted interviews, while Ben and MJ conducted research to gather supporting evidence. For our final project, we mutually agreed to focus on skin whitening in the Philippines. Our presentation was conclusive of individual experiences, as well as interviews conducted around questions pertinent to our interest in skin whitening. In Fagen and Other Ghosts: African-Americans and the Philippine-American War written by Rene G. Ontal, he states that “The hierarchy of color, introduced during the Spaniards' reign, was institutionalized under the Americans. Bleaching creams and skin whiteners continue to be top-selling items in present-day Manila and other cities.” (Ontal, 2002, pg. 130) From advertisements on billboards, to commercials, and everyday products, it is evident that fair skin is a dominant desire in the Philippines. In a couple of interviews, our interviewees expressed that some products rarely exist without whitener - such as body wash and lotion. This reality was new to me, but captivating to each of us in our group. The severity and affects of skin whitening go beyond the external being and are deeply rooted to a colonized mentality. In The Colonial Mentality Scale (CMS) for Filipino Americans: Scale Construction and Psychological Implications, “David Okazaki (2006) conceptualized CM among Filipino American as a form of internalized oppression, characterized by a perception of ethnic or cultural inferiority that is believed to be a specific consequence of centuries of colonization under Spain and the US. It involves an automatic and uncritical rejection of anything Filipino and an automatic and uncritical preference.” (Okazaki, 2006, pg. 241) This concept of embracing white skin and American values as superior was long ago established as a result of colonization. And although the Philippines has declared independence, as Okazaki elaborates, many Filipinos remain haunted and invoked by the ideas of living up to white expectations. While the three of us girls conducted interviews to get indiscriminate opinions of skin whitening, we did so in an informal setting to help make the conversation less taunting and more comfortable. Although the interviews were casual, it was sometimes unsettling to hear what our interviewees had to say. Skin whitening is so ordinary that many see no value in questioning its affects. Selecting and editing what was to be included in our film was difficult, just because we felt like any and everything we collected was worthy of being included. Although that is true, we limited our movie to 17 minutes. Our presentation concluded the fact that matters, such as skin whitening, exist as a result of lacking education. The educational system in the Philippines and in the US needs to be revisited and revised. Anyone who watches the film will witness the passion we grew for the matter, as well as the pride we had for being in such a beautiful country.

What else have I learned in the Philippines? The question isn’t easy to answer because so many ideas were circulating throughout our 30 days, but ultimately it all became clear. Comparable to others on the trip, I made a connection to my past. That isn’t to say, I’ve recognized that my ancestry dates back to colonization in the Philippines, but I am saying that not completely knowing my past is no longer acceptable. Where does my own history lay? My mother is half Cambodian and half Chinese. My father is half Cambodian and half Vietnamese. My biological father is Colombian. I have never met my biological father, but that didn’t matter to me because I never felt the need or desire to. I have two of the best parents a child could pray for and for that I am eternally thankful. Answering the question of where I come from has always ended with me saluting my Cambodian bloodline. My parents are the same; we are deeply rooted with our Cambodian culture. But not too long ago my mother decided to investigate her own history. Her father passed away in China when she was just a young girl and so she never knew much about him. Next year for our annual family trip, we will be traveling to China so that she can gather an accurate understanding of where her Chinese bloodline lays. I didn’t think to relate my mom’s search for answers to creating an association with my own biological father until this trip. Even then, I didn’t recognize that, because I have a biological father who is not in any way a part of my life, I have half of me with a blinded history. Witnessing the affects of this trip for the students who do identify as Filipino raised the awareness that there is much for me to learn about my own existence. Though I do not identify as Filipino, I felt sympathy for those coming to realizations about their Filipino heritage because I know that my story could be similar. This desire alone, to get in touch with my biological dad and learn about my past, is a chance that I have to take. This is something that I also have to do with my Cambodian bloodline. I’m leaving this trip with the decision that I am seeking to learn more of my roots. I can’t confidently say I know what to expect but I can say that I will no longer ignore my past, it’s made me who I am, and learning more about all of my roots will bring validity to my identity.

This trip has exceeded any expectations that I could possibly desire. I’d be telling a lie if I said that I wasn’t nervous and hesitant, as I am with every new trip, prior to the trip. But that hesitation quickly faded, as I immediately felt that I was meant to be there. I learned what it meant to be flexible and that knowing the truth of one’s past is what authenticates identity. Words can hardly explain the gratitude I have for being blessed with such an opportunity. The Philippines has shown our class so much light that I can hardly believe we were there for only 30 days. With all that we’ve encountered, 30 days definitely doesn’t seem long enough, but it’s all we had, and only leaves room for a return in the near future.

Citations:

David, E.J.R., & Okazaki, S. (2006). The Colonial Mentality Scale (CMS) for Filipino Americans: Scale construction and psychological implications: A review and recommendation. Journal of Counseling Psychology 53 (1), pp. 1–16.

Ileto, R.C. (1998). The Philippine-American War, Friendship and Forgetting. In Shaw, A.V. & Francia, L.H. Vestiges of war. (pp. 3-21). New York: New York Press.

Ontal, R.G., (2002). Fagen and other ghosts: African-Americans and the Philippine-American war. In A.V. Shaw & L.H Francia, Vestiges of war. (pp. 118-133). New York: New York Press.

Paulet, A. (2007). To change the world: The use of American Indian education in the Philippines. History of Educational Quarterly, 47 (2), 173-202.